Parent’s changing unintentional mistake in educating children

Phnom Penh – All children unlikely commit violence in their life, if parents, schools and communities educate them non-violently. And children do not need a violent-educating method as well. This is the opinion of Ms. Tek Channy, 48 years old, a resident of Doeum Sleng 1 Village, Sangkat Chbar Ampov 2, Khan Chbar Ampov, Phnom Penh Capital. This housewife has educated her children in a non-violent method, after using a violent one.

The violent education has passed from habit. And it could become a tradition for the Cambodian people to educate their children or a legacy of violent education for generations. Tek Channy is a widow with three dependent children. One is in the fourth grade and one is in sixth grade.

Ms. Tek Channy added, the violent education has made her children almost turning to be the one that lose confidence, lose communication and stay away from love. Violent education for children does not work well. Instead, it has expanded the problem.

“Ever since I was a child, when I did something wrong, my mother always beat me. However, when I had my own children, I realized that I had to change the way to be the comforting education for them (children),”

Ms. Tek Channy.

This housewife, working as a cake seller, said that, when the child does something wrong, as a mother, she must guide, correct and forgive her child, and avoid beating him/her. Meanwhile, she likes watching non-violent education on social media. Because those educational picture help parents to understand more on proper education for their children.

“When they (children) are violently abused; it makes them think that their mother does not love them, their mother abuses and does not comfort them! As a result, children are very emotionally affected”.

This is the additional confirmation of Ms. Tek Channy.

Ever using harsh words toward the children! Bou Yean, a resident of Sangkat Chbar Ampov 2, Khan Chbar Ampov, Phnom Penh, also said that he changed his habit of using violent words against his children when he saw his children got scared and did not dare to meet father face-to-face. Through this picture, he is motivated to stop violent acts and inappropriate words toward his children.

Ms. Kong Thida, wife of Mr. Bou Yean, said that, whenever the children make any mistake; and parents use comforting and nice words toward the children. It makes them feeling good, receiving warm, and responding with love back to parents.

“Parents must help each other and educate their children with love. So, their children could see good examples. I believe they could follow. And the family is happy,”

said Kong Thida.

Obviously, it is not limited only to these two families that consider violent education for children as a method of children discouragement. In contrast, changing habit, the violent education for children is eliminated from the family of Ms. Klaing Sophon since 2010. The 58-year-old housewife has taken a positive approach to educat children. When she realized that violent-educating-children methods make children very forgetful.

“I think that using violence to educate children is not a good thing. It has affected society and put children under emotional pressure! I have changed my habit from swearing or beating children to saying nice words to children. Suddenly, they have understood their parents’ intentions. And everyone has studied hard,”

said Ms. Klaing Sophon.

Aside from serious impact on children’s mental health, according to data released by the Ministry of Women’s Affairs, the UNICEF Organization, the survey on violence against children in 2014, confirmed that violence against children in 2013 caused Cambodia to lose more than 168 million dollars on healthcare, or equal to 1.1% of Cambodia’s Gross Domestic Product (GDP), and will have long-term consequences on economic growth and social development.

Regarding effects of the violence on children, Ms. Phal Phalka, Technical Officer for Child and Adult Protection at World Vision, acknowledged that violent educational activities often hinder the intellectual and emotional development of children, especially painful memories in children’s lives journey.

“Children who suffer from violent education will become discouraged, lose courage, have bad temper, have fears, drop out of school, avoid responsibility or even have a self-punishment,”

Phal Phalka confirmed.

This child protection expert said that parents, guardians and teachers should have a positive approach to disciplining children, such as giving children appropriate time to consider mistakes, showing or guiding children with gentle words, correcngti mistakes with motivative words and establishing common discipline in the family through children’s participation. In addition, punishing children at school can be done through giving the children color-coded penalty (yellow for minor mistake, before red).

Ms. Phal Phalka continued:

“Non-violent method is the best way for parents to educate children today. “Action considering non-violence model: parents do not commit any form of violence against children; and mothers understand the needs of children clearly.”

In line with what stated above, Ms. Sor Montha, Director of Sigida Early Childhood Education Cambodia, said that the development of children to be good children starts from good education in the family through non-violent method. This child expert added that the closeness between children and parents help children to believe in their parents’ love toward them. In addition, children who care about those around them, could live with full of positive thoughts and solve challenges with high confidence.

“Children become grateful through the example of their parents. The closeness and warmth of the parents stimulates right side of nervous system, making the child intelligent, especially emotional intelligence (EQ),”

said Sar Montha, director of the Sigida Early Childhood School in Cambodia.

Please be informed that through the Action Plan on Prevention and Response to Violence against Children 2017-2021 of the Ministry of Social Affairs, Veterans and Youth Rehabilitation; it was confirmed that the majority of children who have experienced violence say that parents, especially mothers, caregivers and family members are the most frequent perpetrators of physical, emotional and sexual violence against children. At the same time, “home” is the place where children suffer from violence the most. Most of which is physical and emotional punishment.

According to experts from the National Council for Children of Cambodia and the Ministry of Women’s Affairs, the unintentional mistake from educating children should be completely eradicated, to indicate complete value of respect for children’s rights in society. If children do not suffer from any form of violence; their productivity, creativity and potential will be a powerful force for Cambodia to achieve its goals and become a high-middle-income country by 2030, and become a developed country by 2050.


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